Scary-Go-Round

Please be advised, this ride is not available at children's parks or on elementary school playgrounds (yet).  There are no height requirements to ride this ride.  There is an age requirement.  You must be old enough to have dated several different men, or twelve years of age, whichever comes first (kidding, color this a 30 and up attraction). There are no handrails and this particular ride normally doesn't twirl at a high rate of speed. It does move at the speed of text messaging, sometimes. Seriously, you can jump off at any time.  In fact, we highly recommend it. Highly.  Not to point out the obvious, but honey, if we are not Janey-on-the-spot in answering your "Hey! Got plans Fri nite" text message, get thyself a clue.

Scary-go-round (Scar-ee-goh-rownduh):

The continuous parade of ex-boyfriends (a parade with bad throws, no less).   I’m not saying they are all losers – oh wait. Yes I am. I asked a friend if that made me a loser, too. He said no, I was just doing charity work.

Speaking of parades, and bad throws (yes, think Mardi Gras and no I am not flashing you, you can't afford it).  Once upon a Mardi Gras Parade, in Houma, Louisiana - someone purt near brained me with, not a string of beads, but a damn sack full.  My best good friend nearly "pulled an Andre" on a small-ish child ( aged approximately 9 or 10) to grab that sack of beads.  Hey, if I am going to suffer a head wound, I want the damned ammunition.  Plus, after a few glasses of wine, I might have actually scrapped with the kid, myself.

As as "aside", how can Cortland Finnegan consider himself a "tough guy" or "badass" with that clown hair?  Someone needs to hold him down while someone else works him over with some clippers fitted with a two blade.